Sitting in the Garden.

My son is sitting in the garden, reading The Hobbit and listening to Radio 3. The truth is young black British culture is much much wider than is evidenced in the media.

Meanwhile we have finished our last two interviews and I have done some work to capture the videos, but a long way to go and a lot to think about in terms of how to put the material together.

Time to dream and time to work.

I was supposed to spend summer working on this project, but with the demoralization brought on by my impending unemployment, a week away in Spain to lift the spirits seemed more in order. Normally on these trips the UK comes out very badly and the alternative culture very well, but actually for once it was all the UK bit of the journey that work and accomodation and transport in Spain that was more problematic. But I spent a good week away meeting Spaniards and trying to forget my troubles. The crisis there is worse than here, but we all had a good time. Madrid seemed to have more graffiti on walls even in posh places than London, but whether that is knowledge opening my eyes I do not know. And the art in the Sofia Reine gallery was huge sometimes disturbing and definitely displacing, but perhaps that is what it should be.

But I came home determined to catch up a bit and so spent the day at my brothers trying to get to grips with photoshop. I like what I have done, but had to come back home to print the stuff and was once again confronted by problems cos of the lack of memory left on my computer. I also seem to have lots of ink cartridges but none with any ink in them, so my print is very faded, but at least I have some sense of what it should look like. So thanks to bro for the lend of equipment and thanks to nephew for his patience and good instruction.

Not getting there

Today is the 4th of August. By now I should have a full scale photo of me and Nathan, back and front manipulated to contain media images. However, one I have not managed to get a photo of Nathan and myself, two the only photo I have is of me, and I realised after Jennie, my sister, had kindly taken it, that I only had the front. Three I have no memory left on my big computer with which to manipulate the image, and 4 I have now left work which is where I hope to laminate this lifesize image of Nathan and me that is supposed to be the centre point for my presentation in September.

I don't know how but last seminar this image just popped into my head of a kind of holy family, Leonardo type thing and I decided to try and create an image of Nathan and me in that triangular type shape, but instead of a child in my lap I was going to have a lap top, with the film on it. I wanted there to be an ambiguity cos how come the child is in the position of the father, I was also wondering to make a mask instead of Nathan's face, to reflect all the people in that positioin. I was very excited and wanted to share the idea with my tutor, but I never met her and when we had our phone tutorial did not feel I could quite express in case she dished the idea. Then at work I had to laminate some images and just happened to do it all in one strip, I loved the effect so much, that I decided instead of a stuffed model of me and Nathan that I would create life size picture of us, with our media references.

So a lot has not happened and originally I was thinking okay when I go back to work in September I can do it, but I really do not know if I am going back, so......

Also on the one day off and I had a chance to follow up sending my ideas or talking to groups to see if they wanted to work with me, I do not know I just did not feel ready for it. I have emailed everyone, some of them more than once a number of them like WAC I have a small connection with and only two organisation responded. The first one has not responded a second time, the second one Helen Barrett, from the Family Parenting Institute was kind enough to meet with me, and there may be things in the endthat can come out of the conversation, but at the moment the organisation is going in a direction that does not really chime with what I am doing.

However, I am still reading a bit and enjoying that, and on Monday I spent the whole day looking through home movies to see if I can use some in conjunction with Nathan's interview. I did that at the university as I no longer have a video editor it was nice, now I need to film a second interview with Nathan so have to pin him down

I am just as difficult to pin down In my search for work I may have found something, but it is Spain, so what will that mean for my studies. I do not know I have summer to get on with things and will just have to take stock at the end of summer.

Stress is not good for studying.

I almost studied for this qualification a year ago, but I was so worried about money and my lack of work that I could not focus on it. So delayed a year. However the sad truth; this year my financial situation is even worse. In a couple of days time my work ends. When I switched to this work I had hoped that my temporary status would become permanent and things would be okay or I could try and treat the summer holiday as that despite being unpaid and therefore a time in which to study like mad before hopefully finding work in September. Instead I am just getting more and more demoralised. In fact worse than that.

On Saturday I was supposed to be visiting a conference on my research topic. Various disasters on route,where I thought I needed an Oyster card top up, then could not remember my pin number, took an hour to get the top up,then realised that I did not need it in the first place meant I got to the conference two hours late. The bits I heard were worth hearing. But it means a great opportunity to make contacts was probably lost. I was lost too I tried a different route home and landed up going back on myself. Stress. So on Sunday I was too shattered to attempt another trip to London to catch up with the rest of the students. I am not sure who was supposed to be there, but I was hoping to see two students who have offered to help with my research, but have not sent me anything so far, unless they have done my online survey.


Some of the participants at the event included artist Gloria Ojularia Sule. http://www.gloarts.co.uk/. I asolutely loved some of her work, large murals, just the kind of thing I would like to paint. She was not brought up by her Nigerian dad or her British mum, being put in a home instead, but the power of her heritgage and the need to engage in it, shines through her work, as you can see in the picture above.

I also heard Dr Kevin Searle, I don't know enough about his story, but he said that he was not a great achiever, working in Tescoes when the lyrics of Rap made him start to really engage in education. He now has a PhD in the subject. He delivers his views a bit like a rap artist, young, energised, passionate, a bit unco-ordinated and very interesting, definitely a different type of academic. Though most I come across are infinitely more hip than I remember last time round. I gave him a copy of my research questionnaire, but do not know if there will be a chance to follow up on it with him.

One good thing on the rare occasions I get around to reading I really enjoy the information I am gaining. A book on Masculinities had a lot of illuminating stuff and amazingly the chapter I have just read on research ethnography in another book was also good. I feel I am really updating my theory knowledge in this field, just massive amounts to go.

taking it quiet

Not too much to report. A few more people have done the Monkey Survey including people I do not know at all, so that is very nice.

I am thinking a lot about how to do my presentation next September and still following up with more organisations trying to find a group of people to work with, but most of the time there is no response at all.

So treading water really till the holiday comes and I can try and do some real work on things.

Survey Link updated.

Hi I am having a few problems with Monkey Survey so this is a new link. I have also updated some of the questions as a result of seeing how some people have answered the questions.

Meanwhile a big thank you to those who have responded and a plea for as much depth as possible from those who are thinking of particpating. And if you are interested in taking part in more in depth research please do get in touch.

I have contacte a number of organisations hoping that they may be able to suggest ways to develop my research especially with my key target group. These organisations include Family and Parenting Institute, Intermix, People in Harmony, Mixd, Generation Next, WAC, Learning Trust. Some of these organisations I have links with however, at present I have not really been able to establish a dialogue with any of them. However, I do know I also need to follow up some of my emails with phone calls so still hoping that something may come of these occasional blasts of emailing people, meanwhile if you want to take part the link is below.

New link:

Can you help with my creative media research?  Thanks.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/2CJF5GP

Untutored.

Could someone tell me why it is I finish work at 1pm, only have to eat lunch, have a rest, pop into see Nathan in Camden and get to South Bank by 4.30 that I get there at 4.45!! I did rush up to my tutors office, tapped on the door and then realised her doorwas locked, but her coat and bag were inside, so patiently waited . At 5.5 I realised someone was in the room. My tutor, but she had to go!!!! It is the hottest day of the year. I was carrying a bag weighing about two tons, I urgently needed to see her. So why did I bugger it up?

A few kind friends have said that they will do the survey monkey research, but sadly all attempts to click thru to the site have failed. I am hoping that they will be kind enough to try again via this blog.