In fear for my mental wellbeing.

Wrecked. My financial security, fragile though it is, has depended for the last few months, on money through the working tax credit system that I get because of my low income and my disability. At the beginning of this week, I got a call from the DWP and they tell me, that because I have not sent them evidence that I was in receipt of sick pay 7 years ago, that I am at risk of loosing the benefit they send me. I dont know how to survive without this help, it is as simple as that.

Wrecked. Very scary, very good, more than scary. I lead a workshop for BHM and the emotional challenge of this has both empowered and thrilled me, that people would come, share discuss, and allow me to participate in their understanding of African Caribbean representations in the era up to Obama, is overwhelming. It is also almost too overwhelming emotionally for my fragile mental health.

Syncronicity and out of sync.

So there I am at South Bank University doing video capture from Nathan's childhood films as part of my Masters, now Certificate. There are lots of children there, including two girls, both of whom are now studying at yes, South Bank University.!!!

I am very clever and far thinking. For instance when I left my job and went off to Senegal I made sure that I had had some experience of doing supply teaching locally and was signed on with the County for when I returned. And prior to deciding whether to hand my notice in to the Royal Opera House or not, I ensured that I had passed my appraisal and been informed that I was at the right standard and welcome to return to work with them in future. So why is it that my Plan B's have not ensured sufficient income to enable me to continue studying. Simple. When I returned from Senegal, Herts County Council went against their original decision and decided I was not able to work for them, and now the ROH has gone against their promise that I can return also. But with the economy inmeltdown, unless you are a billionaire banker, it looks like my present £10,000 a year annual salary and my £3000 a year transport costs will look good in years to come. It does however, mean, that continuing studying is absolutely out of the window.